Чалга, цици, брюкселици

gangnam-style

текст: Александър Димитров / https://abadapple.wordpress.com

Писна ви на задниците да се върти тая тема, а? А е едва на един ден. И мен така, но пък пръстите ме сърбят правопропорционално с новооткрития ми глад за брюкселско зеле, и няма как.

Между другото, думата „брюкселици” също е на един ден. Ако се чудите какво е, то нека уточня – брюкселица е понятие, описващо по-привилегированите чалга-певици, които се ползват със субсидиите на ЕС.

Въпросните субсидии, стана ясно, възлизат на близо 2 милиона лева. Бенефициент е „Пайнер Медиа” ООД, отпускането става по линия на Оперативна програма „Развитие на конкурентоспособността” (ОПРК).

С това ЕС се вкара пряко под прицела на ироничния и гневен народен глас. Що се отнася до чалгата, той (гласът) досега имаше само две мишени. Едната е подрастващото поколение, което в очите на българина е „чалгаризирано” до откат. Другата пък е самият българин, най-често спряган под псевдонима „то той, българинът…” (нота бене: в тези случаи обаче говорещият се самоизключва от това събирателно поради своето гениално прозрение и различие от масата). Европа вече е трети враг, и същевременно голяма хапка за народния глас. Убеден съм обаче, че той удоволствие ще я схруска набързо. Така, както аз бих омел килограм брюкселско зеле в момента.

Пичове, пичове! Току-що ми съобщиха по телефона – Емануела се е съгласила

да измаа едно концертче тук! Само ще трябва да пооправим сцената…

Тежкият сблъсък с реалността, обаче, е следният: който пусне подходящо описание за проекта си – печели. А „Пайнер Медиа” ООД явно се е справила безупречно с това. Нека погледнем:

“С реализирането на настоящия проект „Пайнер Медиа” ООД цели да постигне устойчив икономически растеж и запазване на лидерската си позиции в подготовката и реализирането на качествен медиен и музикален продукт не само на родния, но и на международните пазари, в които телевизия “Планета” се излъчва.

Чрез повишаване качеството на предлагания продукт „Пайнер Медиа” ООД ще съумее да привлече значителен брой нови зрители, да вдигне рейтинга си, като това ще доведе до увеличаване на приходите от реклама. Проектът ще доведе и до разкриването на нови работни места и ще допринесе за развиването на българската икономика”.

Авъ. Ако имаше немец до мен, той в момента щеше да ме плюнчи успешно от екзалтация, крещейки: “Das war ein Treffer!!! Ein echter Treffer!” В смисъл – че е добре написано. А аз скромно ще отбележа две неща, че днес само по двойки ми върви всичко.

„Качествен медиен и музикален продукт не само на родния, но и на международните пазари”. За родния пазар – ясно. Международните пазари досега за мен се изразяваха в два пазарни принципа. Единият е на Споразумението за свободна кражба на мелодии на Балканите (ССКМБ), описващо една ос Сърбия – Гърция – България, където има свободно прелитане на изкопирани чалга ритми, без да се търси каквото и да е наказание. Другият е ексклузивно покритие на родни чалга звезди по руски токшоута с удавяща доза ирония и присмех.

В това изявление обаче спектърът се разширява, и поне аз очаквам да изместим Ники Минаж от американския пазар, самбата от Бразилия и “Gangnam Style” от Южна Корея.

„Повишаване на качествения продукт”. Това е много двузначно като описание. Мен ако питате, „продуктът” на чалгата не е толкова музиката, колкото телата (да се чете: циците) на пеещите я. В този смисъл се зачудвам дали това не е метафора за инвестиции в нови кубици из циците на брюкселиците. Друга трактовка е отделянето на финанси за ново бельо на същите, имайки предвид, че по повечето им представления не тоалетите, а именно то е хайлайта.

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Сега сериозно. Истината е, че ЕС са забелязали как кинтите от всички европрограми не само не се усвояват напълно, а в повечето случаи потъват и иди ги търси после. Чалгата обаче е нещо директно готово за консумация, практично, и доста нейерархично. Получават, влагат, предоставят. Няма бюрократщина, няма мотане.

Другата е истина е, че това трябва да послужи като аларма за рибите в браншовото море. Имаме два особено добри музикални продукта на европейско ниво – хип-хоп музиката ни, и хардкор музиката ни. Списването на един проект не е нещо трудно, а дори и да загърбя беснеещия ми идеализъм, едва ли е невъзможно да се получи субсидиране. Отръки ми идва името Illmate например.

А относно мен – ами, вече обмислям основаването на лейбъл за грайндкор с джаз и етно примеси. Ще пиша в проекта, че служи за „иновативен подход към запазването на българската култура и обичаи”. Кой знае – може да ми отпуснат някой и друг лев.

41 мнения за “Чалга, цици, брюкселици

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